What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:41
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I don,t even have a pension.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Do you have any opinion on Japanese writer/actor Yukio Mishima?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Should women be allowed in “combat roles” within the military?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What makes someone feel "rich enough" in different societies?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
All the time i was locked up.
Is it okay for me to wear girls’ underwear?
But ive been too sick for many years..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot live in the past .
What habits do happy couples have?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She wouldn,t have been !
So, i spoilt her more .
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Put me off passion for life!!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I was seconnd youngest,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
What is the impact of being stereotyped as poor on an individual's life? How does it make them feel?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
What is your favourite colour and why?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Ive learnt so much.
What are the defining characteristics of woke liberals and conservatives in the United States?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The only rule us 5 kids had .
How did you respond to, "Why do you love me"?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He knew the spot.
My life is so biszare .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She married twice! .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I have no regrets .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She found it foreign!.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I will be 64.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He resisted the act ,that day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I think the readers, may guess!
I never cut or harmed myself..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Who then, do I blame.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was very sick at this time too.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was 9 years of age.
She was in good health!
We all went to grammer schools
And i lived it daily.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But, we were locked up after school.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I couldn’t, believe it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was scared of men, in general
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Comes on , in middle age.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I waited trembling.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But it wasn’t much.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Was to survive, this bastard.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
We were not on the streets..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So whats the point in blame.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I said to her
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She loved him until the end.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I write beautiful poetry .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Would this be the day?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
It was going to be , some day.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
When she asked me how she looked .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im still living with it.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
What did i know ?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
This is soul school!.